Emotions

We, as a society, really have no idea how *suffocated* people are in their emotions. Most people have *nobody* to express themselves entirely to. Everyone is holding back their *vulnerabilities* to maintain the *social image* of a confident and happy person.  Heart-to-heart conversations have become *rare, artificial and shallow*. Most hearts are filled with *empty defences*.   Most people can't even talk to their *life-partners openly* for the fear of being judged or rejected. Emotions await just a release. Social images make sure that weakness is not glorified.   Children have *bottled up* stress. Young people suffer from anxiety and depression.   It is just lack of social support. It is *lack of non-judgmental* friendships. It is a result of *fast and busy lives* where nobody has time to just sit and watch someone cry.   It is a result of *instant and impatient lifestyle* practices, that *emotions have started feeling like a waste of time*.   We have *Whats App, Facetime and social media* - and we also have *stress, anxiety and depression*.  Our forefathers had neither.... Because they talked to each other...... Because talking helps..... The *face-to-face* type talking, the *just-listen-to-me* type talking, the *hold-my-hand-and-let-me-cry* type talking, the *sit-next-to-me-and-listen-to-my-silence* type talking... the talking where *persons can be themselves and say anything they feel without the fear of any judgement or loss or rejection*.   Today, we don't like that type of talking! In fact we *avoid people*. Naturally, it has led to mental illnesses....which are becoming an epidemic.  There is not much we can do but we can offer *listening* !  Let's let people talk without any fear. Let's create conversations.     *Let's Start Talking Again

Dark side of being a doctor

WHAT IS THE DARK SIDE OF BEING A DOCTOR IN INDIA

"Loneliness"

Profound loneliness. You can be surrounded by friends, family and colleagues, but in reality, you are quite alone.

If your family does not consist of doctors, they hardly understand the difficulties that you go through. They sympathize with you, yet are unable to grasp the reality of your training and career. Why you must spend days and weeks and even years apart from them. Why a lot of their calls are unanswered by you, while you are busy during rounds or managing patients.

Your old school friends do not really understand how hard the years have been. Why you couldn't attend all the weddings you were called to. Some just attribute it to arrogance. Some understand. Only a few are driven enough to maintain a relationship where you hardly meet, talk or hang out. Nobody realizes that you hardly have time for yourself, leave alone the closest of friends.

When you do meet your old buddies, from various different fields, you can feel a fence that has formed around you. You smile, and nod your head. Yet, you are some distance away. The conversations seem a bit trivial compared to what goes on everyday in your other life. It is like viewing the rerurn of a tv show you had loved at some point of time.

Your college friends don't stay with you for too long. Forever branching and specializing fields of medicine mean everyone either ends up in a different college, City or country eventually. You do drop each other a message once in a while, especially if you can remember who it is that you are missing. Conversations do not progress beyond a few words, as both of you are busy beyond compare. Time and distances lighten the strongest of bonds.

Your partner/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend understands your trials and tribulations with difficulty. A similar profession leads to conflict, ego struggles and comparisons. A different profession causes irritation and indignation at your personal priorities. You keep training and hardly find time for them.

Your patients may love you for your bedside manner and clinical acumen but neither do you form friendships nor expect any support in times of trouble. You keep a distance. Always. Proximity causes lack of objectivity. *And, patients rarely come out in open support of their physician.*

Your colleagues in the same branch view you as competition. So much so that they would be secretly relieved to see you fail. You colleagues in other branches form cordial, friendly relations. You meet once a year for joint conferences and sometimes discuss patients which have been referred. *You can expect a bit of professional support but nothing emotional or personal.*

The hospital you work in couldn't care less about you. You are indispensable to them, until you are replaced.

Not all this is true for everyone in all scenarios, but, yes, you learn to live with this reality.

Add to this the constant fear of litigation, abuse, violence and disciplinary action.

*It can get very lonely at the top for doctors sometimes. And the higher you go, the further away you are from everyone.*

If this is not part of your story, being a doctor, you really are blessed.

Life is like that

ગમી જઈએ છીએ આપણે ઘણાને
એ પણ ગમતું નથી ઘણાને....

દિવાનું પોતાનું કોઇ ઘર નથી હોતું..
જયાં મુકો ત્યાં અજવાળું કરે છે..!

ઉંમર સાથે કંઈ લેવા-દેવા નથી
એકબીજાના વિચારો મળે ત્યાં જ દોસ્તી થાય છે...

હીરા પારખું કરતાં...
પીડા પારખુંનું સ્થાન ઉંચુ છે.

ઓવરટેક કરવામાં થોડું ધ્યાન રાખજો સાહેબ,
સૌથી આગળ ક્યાંક એકલું ના થઇ જવાય

નાટકમાં સૌથી અઘરું પાત્ર મુર્ખનું હોય છે.... અને
તે ભજવનાર બહુ જ હોંશિયાર હોય છે...

કેમ કરીને રહી શકાય ફુટપટીમાં,
ઈચ્છાઓ તો હંમેશા માપ બહારની હોય છે..

દુનિયામાં જો કોઈ સમયસર
આવતું હોય તો તે ખુદ સમય છે,
પછી તે સારો હોય કે ખરાબ

'અભિમાન' અને 'પેટ' જ્યારે વધે છે ત્યારે 'વ્યકિત'ની ઇચ્છા હોવા
છતાં પણ બીજાને ભેટી નથી શકતો.

જબરી ચીજ બનાવી છે ધન,
મોટા ભાગનાનું ભેગુ કરવામાં જ નિધન થઈ જાય છે..

એકલા ચાલવું આમ તો અઘરું નથી,
પણ કોઈની સાથે ચાલ્યા પછી
એકલા
પાછા ફરવું એ ખુબ જ અઘરું છે !!

વીતી જશે આ સમય પણ. બસ ધીરજ રાખો સાહેબ,
સુખ ના ટકી શક્યું તો, દુઃખની શુ ઔકાત છે.

ખુશ રહેવાનો મતલબ એ નથી કે તકલીફ નથી,
એનો મતલબ એ છે કે તમે તકલીફથી આગળ વધવાનો નિર્ણય કરી લીધો છે !!

Sometimes I feel very loanly.

*Sometimes I feel very lonely. I really don’t know what to do to get rid of this. I need someone to support me and someone on whom I can rely on. But no one is ready for 100% commitment. What to do?*

*Sri Sri Ravi Shankar*:
Any companionship when it goes from a place of wanting or lack, to contributing, it is long lasting. *You came into this world all alone. Even if you are born twins, you are alone. When you go from here, you are going to go alone. Do not try to run away from loneliness. It is a blessing in disguise.*

This is the time for you to be centered. Push away everything around you. You will find that you are the scintillating energy of the universe. You are the centre of the consciousness. You are the ultimate truth. And this loneliness is only one step away from realizing that. Loneliness exists because you want to grab something from outside.

Lord Krishna in Gita has said, 'Anityam asukham lokam imam prapya bhajasva mam'. He is saying, 'This world is impermanent and there is no fun in it; there is no joy in it. Look up to me, merge in me. Put your attention onto me'.
It is time for you to do this. Trying to fill your loneliness by looking for a companion or anything outside is not going to work. Know that you are in this planet to give something and then pack up and leave. That is it. You have come here to give something. Take nothing from here.

When you get into this knowledge, or into the centre core of your existence, you will not feel lonely at all. You will feel that the consciousness around you is alive. You will see everyone as your friend. However they behave, it is immaterial, from your side, they are your friends. You become like a mother because a mother never minds if the kid is throwing pranks or tantrums, kicking or screaming. Children do all sorts of things. She doesn’t mind whether he is smiling or crying. She feels that the baby is mine. You will feel so big that the whole universe, the whole world feel part of you.

This is the way to get rid of loneliness. It does not happen by searching for someone to match your mindset. It will match only for a while, because nature has made you so unique. Each one of you has got a different thumb print. That itself shows your uniqueness. You may find some partner and feel very good for 7 years or 10 years. But you know, even after 40 years people feel that they were never together. You wonder, how they could live for 40 years and suddenly say, “We do not match each other. We are so different people”.
Come on, wake up and see. Don’t look for something or someone to fill your vacuum. There is song from a kavi (poet) which says, “My beloved comes to me in my dreams”.
When you think that this whole world is a dream, you shake hands with your beloved. Once you embrace your beloved, there is no loneliness anymore, anywhere, ever. This is the spiritual path.

I am not against you having a relationship or a family, or getting married. You can have your spouse or your companion, but not from the space of wanting something from them. You can imagine a partnership where you are content and you are only contributing to the other person. Such a relationship will last longer.

*When you feel lonely, sit and meditate. Listen to bhajans or songs. Your beloved is within you. You just have to look inwards. Once you find the beloved within you, then you will find him/her everywhere in creation.*