Very apt on World Depression Day*
By Ninad Vengurlekar
I was pained to read about the suicide of the depressed kid who killed himself by jumping off a hotel building. In the world of social media, he assumed that everyone except him is doing exceedingly well for themselves and he is the only loser on earth. He probably posted about his suicide on social media hoping to taste some success and become famous. He longed for success, but had to kill himself for it. Sadly, he did not live to see how famous he has become.
I was moved by the news. In a life connected to smartphones, I believe youngsters need a reality check about what real life is, what success is, and how it can be achieved. What happens on social media is virtual, but what you do with your life is real. Moving your fingers is far easier than rolling up your sleeves and getting to work. This difference needs to be understood.
When youngsters are depressed and feel suicidal, they are thinking of their life in short term. They believe that their life is going to end up being what it is today - forever. But that is far from truth. When you are depressed at 20, you forget that you will be alive for the next 60 years. If you lose 2 years to depression - what the heck! You still have 58 years to resurrect yourself.
Here are 4 examples that come to my mind of people who resurrected themselves out of failure -
Remember the guy who was slapped by people on a railway station for picking Sunil Dutt's wallet in Munnabhai MBBS? That was Nawazuddin Siddiqui. Nawaz graduated from NSD and was forced to work as a cook and a security guard because he had no work and no money. How many of you are willing to do that as a part of your struggle to succeed? Did he feel depressed about it then? So what did he do? And where is he today?
Nawaaz kept trying. Trying hard. Finally a casting director suggested his name to Sujoy Ghosh, who was directing Kahaani. Sujoy himself was battling 2 flops while making Kahaani. He offered Nawaz an important role of an IB official. Nawaaz got a small opportunity to make it big in Bollywood. After years of failure, he precisely knew what that small opening could do for his career. And boy did he deliver? For his role in Kahaani, Nawaaz walked away with a National Award. That was the beginning. Today he is perhaps the rare few actors in Bollywood who has worked with all the three Khans in a span of 3 years. He makes crores and lives like a King. Failure was the foundation of Nawaz's success.
In 2007 World Cup, when India was knocked out of the WC Qualifiers, Sachin Tendulkar cried in the dressing room. He announced to many of his fellow cricketers that he wants to retire. Sachin lost his nerve when faced with such a colossal failure, for the first time in his life. He probably feared coming back to India and facing his fans, friends, and family.
Vivian Richards got to know about Sachin's state of mind. He called and spoke to him for 1 hour. An invigorated Sachin went back to his rigorous training. In the next 5 years, he reached 100 centuries, became the highest run getter in Test and ODIs, won the World Cup and had millions of people crying for him when he retired at Wankhede. He got a send-off no cricketer has ever had in the history of the game. He became a legend because he refused to bow down to failure. A chat with someone who Sachin respected and idolised, turned around his career and life.
Tony Hseih was 24, when he made $265 million selling his startup to Microsoft. He lived like a king and blew up all his money on parties, houses, cars and bad investments. He lost everything. One day with no money in his pockets, he was literally on the roads. That night he met a guy who told him about an idea of selling shoes online. Who buys shoes online???
A bankrupt Tony Hseih loved the idea, took a loan, and invested in the startup. They called it Zappos. Less than a decade later, Hseih sold the company for 1.2 billion dollars to Amazon. From $265 million to bankruptcy to $1.2 billion. He later wrote a book called Delivering Happiness and divided it into 3 chapters - Profits, Passion and Purpose. That is the sequence in which he discovered himself in life. Hseih proves that no money is not the end of life. It is a state of life from where the only way you go is up.
As a struggler, music director Naushad slept on the footpath opposite Broadway cinema. 16 years later he stood there for the premiere of his movie Baiju Bawara. Tears started flowing from his eyes as he saw the footpath that he slept on, from the other side. When asked why he was crying, a weeping Naushad said, "I can't believe it took me 16 years to cross this road." Persistence ultimately paid, even if it took 16 years.
Did these guys ever feel depressed? Probably they did. Did they cry over it? Yes. People cry when they fail. They feel anxious, lonely and sad. But did they continue to sit back and do nothing about it? They didn't. They picked up the pieces and stood up again. They refused to believe that because they failed now, they are destined to fail forever. They fought back hard until the time destiny could no longer influence their future. And because they did, they ended up writing their future the way they wanted it to be.
The point is life does not stop with failure. There is no successful person on earth who has not seen failure or been depressed about it. The journey to success begins with failure. Therefore they say, failure is the best teacher. Because it teaches you what not to do, so that you can focus on what to do.
Failure happens because each one of us are different, and life offers several opportunities for us to discover our personal formula of success. Which is why they say there is no magic formula for success. You have to earn it the hard way. Nobody else can do it for you. The problem is many of us are not ready for a long haul. We give up.
Why does failure make you feel depressed? Because depression is a outcome of thinking about the past. Anxiety is an outcome or predicting the future before it has happened. Between depression and anxiety lies enlightenment. Enlightenment is living in the present, in the moment. A slight imbalance in your mind makes you either depressed or anxious.
When you fail, you either sink yourself in excuses of what went wrong or fear an uncertain future. You seldom focus on the present. Some people are busy in this vicious cycle for decades. They do not want to bust their ass and achieve their dreams. They want to dream and hope that someone else will make it happen for them. That someone never comes in their lives. Because luck deserts the lazy, and favours the industrious.
Success is a sum total of a string of failures. Failure is the shortcut to success.
For those who are active, busy and passionate, where is the time for depression and anxiety? Except clinical causes, most depression and anxiety are diseases caused by an empty brain and an inactive body. Sitting on a smartphone and imagining life cannot help you achieve your dreams. They die once the smartphone is switched off. You can go to a doctor and get treated, but the most powerful treatment for depression and anxiety is an active life that stretches your mind and body. Your life needs a purpose. Purpose builds Passion. And Passion leads to Profits. So throw away your smartphone if it is a distraction.
The first step to become successful is to make a plan to bust your ass. Start your day at 6 am. Go for a run or a swim. Sweat for an hour. Let your brain cells get activated with freshly oxygenated blood. Come home and have an hearty breakfast. If you are unemployed, don't waste time sitting at home. Go to your father's friend and work for free. Get yourself an internship. Most internships lead to jobs. If you can't find an internship then go do volunteering. If volunteering does not interest you then do some research in your field of activity.
Keep yourself busy. Get out of the house. Make new friends, meet old friends. Before you sleep, do a 10-20 minute pranayama session. The best cure for depression and anxiety is deep sleep. Next morning get your ass up and repeat. Do this every single day until these mental diseases tire themselves out inside you. They will. One day you will realise that you are free. And then nobody can hold you back. Trust me on this.
You may ask, how do I know all this? Like millions others in the world, I have lived through this mess myself for a while. We all do. It was not serious, but it would have been had I not acted upon it. Doctors did not save me. I did. And I have mentioned the formula up there. It is simple actually. Don't give up.
You can cry, you can weep, you can be scared and you can lose sleep. That's all ok and acceptable. But don't give up. Losing the battle in the mind is more dangerous than losing a war on the battlefield. Never forget that. War heroes are never asked whether they won or lost in a battle. People forget the result. They celebrate their bravery.
So get your ass up. Face your fears first. Once you know what your problems are can you work towards solving them. And please take help. Call people who you believe have gone through failures and emerged successful. They will help you. People love helping others. But you need to ask for help. Never fear a No. Some people may not help, others will. Forget those who didn't. Focus on those who do.
Sant Tukaram said - "याजसाठी केला होता अट्टहास, शेवटचा दिस गोड व्हावा"
(I endured all the struggles of life in the hope that my last day would be the happiest of all.) One of the greatest spiritual saints of the world has concluded that struggle is the secret of a happy life. Who are we to debate this reality? :)
#depression #anxiety
9 things you should never tell a patient under treatment for depression:
*Nothing is wrong with you!*
This is devastating for a patient. Just because all the physical tests are normal would not mean that everything is ok. M.R.I scans do not detect depression. Physiological changes in the brain are not detected by the scans and blood tests.Moods can be assessed by psychologial tests.
*Do not think negative, think positive.*
Negative thoughts come to a patient suffering from depression. Patients do not think negative.The switch of the mind is not in his/her hands.
*What is the root cause of your depression? All is fine in your life.*
Depression may not always have a trigger.Science has not been able to tell us why do some people suffer from depression and others do not. Do not look beneath. Always treat the illness
*Look at me. I have faced more stress than you and yet I am fine. Fight Depression.*
Every person's life stories are different and so are the coping mechanisms.'Look at me' syndrome that relatives boast about hurts those who are ill.Treat depression and not fight it alone.
*Yoga, exercises can cure your depression.*
Mild depression may get well with yoga and exercise. Those who are severely ill are in an emotional coma.Small tasks appear huge.A slum and Switzerland looks alike.There is an emotional paralysis. After sufficient recovery, exercise and yoga can add to the improvement.
*Weak minds suffer from Depression, Strong minds don't.*
Any mind can suffer from depression.No one is immune. Those who have blood relatives who have had depression are more prone. Those under severe stress and trauma are also more likely to suffer from the same.
*You are lazy and irresponsible. Get up and get going!*
This is a symptom of depression.Lying in the bed for long,no interest in any activity are the signs.Treatment can reverse this state.
*Depression is because of bad omens, witch craft & stars. See an astrologer.*
Malaria, Dengue, Heart attacks are not due to any omen, witchcraft etc. Depression is an illness. Early treatment helps.
*Stop your medications. They are addictive.*
Medications and counseling help treat depression. When mild, only counseling may help.In severe depression, medicines are a must.Counseling of the patient and relatives helps as the patient recovers. Stopping pills without the advice of the treating doctor can cause a recurrence and a relapse. Just as food is not addictive and is necessary, so are the medicines.
